THE MELANCHOLIC

THE MELANCHOLIC 

I have always been quite the melancholic child as far as I can remember. I don't quite get ecstatic and cheerful. I am more reserved and gloomy, but that is because I look at life abit differently for some reason. Yes I might appear more negative than others I don't know the exact reason why.

Maybe it's trauma from loss but even before that I was always morbid and broody in fact I remember my mom would force me to smile while taking pictures I honestly don't know why I was always so melancholic.

Maybe it's because I see people for who they really are and not what they want me to see. I have oftenly found it hard to practice putting on a smile. But I am not a pretender, never was. That is just simply who I am. A melancholic and a perfectionist. Especially when things don't go my way I will definitely be sad and as I get sad I pull back and slam the door.

Don't confuse me for being an Emo, I like black but not that much! There are only few instances where I have smiled so to speak I just become resolute and retreat into my cocoon because that is where I feel safe, protected and solitude. I am an introvert and that is what it is plainly.

I can count the number of times I have had merriment mostly during my birthday or around family. I have no friends, it's just me and my mind. Not having to be drained by toxic friendships.

I always look at life realistically there is no cure for being melancholic, nothing that is why it's so hard for me to make any attachments with people I don't like. I don't pretend. I prefer to focus on myself and use that same energy to build my self. Self love triumphs love ten fold.

But that doesn't mean I am mean or rude. Sure, I can help wherever I can but with boundaries. That is just me. So I am melancholic but I am always quite understanding and fragile. But also rigid and protective at the same time. Humans have a tendency to get out of line and just be horrible. I see people for who they really are. Im not perfect I am more imperfect than anyone else.