CIGARETTE DAYDREAMS

CIGARETTE DAYDREAMS

Today I'm coming out! I smoke cigarettes and vape alot I know it is harmful I know the health risks but I smoke and it is the worst addiction probably.

But why do I do it? I do it for self medication you see I suffer from schizoaffective disorder and it's by far the worst illness someone could possibly have.

Yes I do have medication but the voices are so loud even when off medication I have to crutch on nicotine to quell the voices.

I am in a never ending cycle of addiction and self medication. Granted I am taking good exercises like chewing gum and journaling but there seems to be no other option than to smoke.

I feel awful I am constantly smoking but it's the lesser evil. Yes I am addicted but I have to pick the lesser evil. The stench of cigarettes while I work are the most annoying and I can't carry a vape to the office because I will just end up cheffing in the bathroom all day long.

I am just ranting now. But please understand there is only so much I can do.

If I get to choose between hearing voices and a cigarette trust you me I am picking the lesser evil.

Of course I get side eyed by my colleagues but if I don't I would lose my shit. Okay rant over bye!